Q: What’s a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn’t.
Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.
Q: What’s the range of an accordion?
A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!
Q: What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?
A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.
Q: What’s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
Q: What’s the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?
A: A chainsaw can be tuned.